The sting of a breakup can leave you craving closure. You might find yourself asking: why did they lose feelings? Why won’t they try to fix things? It feels like you need answers to move on and heal.
While it’s natural to seek validation from the person who broke your heart, relying on them for closure might not be the answer. According to Terri Orbuch, PhD, a sociology professor and author of *Finding Love Again*, “As human beings, we want answers to all of our questions in situations that don’t make sense.” However, you don’t need one last conversation or a detailed explanation to move on.
Here’s why:
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There’s rarely a perfect answer.
Breakups are complex, and even your ex might not have clear-cut reasons for why things ended. The satisfying response you crave might not even exist.*
Closure won’t magically heal you.
Even if you get a clear explanation, like “I need to focus on myself” or “I’ve met someone else,” your pain won’t disappear. You’ll likely still feel hurt, insecure, and unwanted.*
It puts your happiness in someone else’s hands.
Depending on your ex for closure gives them power over your healing process. They might not want to talk, or they simply might not have interest in revisiting the past.Instead of waiting for your ex to provide closure, it’s more beneficial to find it within yourself. Here’s how:
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Examine the relationship holistically.
Rather than focusing on your ex’s faults, consider the bigger picture. What communication styles did you have? Were your values aligned? Did you have different visions for the future?*
Reflect on why you weren’t compatible.
Understanding the reasons you weren’t a good match can help you accept that the relationship wasn’t meant to be.*
Embrace self-compassion.
Healing after a breakup takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself, allow yourself to grieve, and remember that you’re not alone in this journey.Ultimately, finding closure means accepting the end of the relationship and moving on. This process may not be easy, but it’s essential for your emotional well-being. You’re the only one who can truly offer yourself the peace and understanding you need to move forward.
