We all have those moments where we struggle to be a good listener. Our attention is constantly pulled in different directions, whether it’s our phones pinging with notifications or the instinct to jump in and offer solutions. While it’s impossible to be fully present in every conversation, active listening is a valuable skill that can enhance your relationships and strengthen your connections with others.
Active listening involves truly engaging with the speaker, making them feel seen, heard, and understood. It’s about more than just passively hearing words; it’s about actively absorbing their message, responding appropriately, and creating a safe space for them to share their thoughts and feelings.
Here are seven expert-backed tips to help you become a better listener:
1.
Ask what they need from the conversation:
Before diving into general advice, start by asking the speaker what they need from the interaction. Are they seeking advice, simply venting, or just wanting someone to listen? This helps set the tone and ensures you’re supporting them in the way they need.2.
Mirror their words back to them:
Reflective listening involves summarizing the speaker’s words back to them to confirm your understanding. This shows them that you’re actively paying attention and allows for clarification if needed. Phrases like “If I’m hearing you correctly…” or “So, if I understand, you’re feeling…” can be helpful in this process.3.
Ask simple, open-ended questions:
Resist the urge to ask overly insightful or complex questions. Instead, opt for simple, open-ended inquiries that encourage the speaker to elaborate. “Tell me more about that,” “Can you help me understand what happened?” or “How were you feeling at that moment?” are great prompts to keep the conversation flowing.4.
Don’t rehearse your replies while they’re talking:
It’s natural to want to formulate the perfect response, but resist the temptation to interrupt or jump ahead. Focusing on the speaker’s words allows you to truly understand their perspective and respond in a meaningful way.5.
Pay attention to your body language and eye contact:
Nonverbal cues play a significant role in communication. Maintain good eye contact, lean in slightly, and avoid fidgeting to demonstrate engagement and attentiveness. Remember, everyone communicates differently, so be mindful of the speaker’s comfort level and adjust your approach accordingly.6.
Check your judgments and assumptions:
We all have our own biases, but it’s crucial to set them aside during conversations. If you find yourself judging the speaker, try to refocus your attention on their experience. Practice mindfulness techniques like grounding yourself in your breath or observing your surroundings to maintain presence.7.
Cut down on distractions:
Limit distractions as much as possible. Put your phone away, turn off notifications, and focus on the conversation at hand. Distracted listening can hinder your ability to fully engage with the speaker and impede their ability to feel truly heard.Active listening is a skill that takes practice and effort, but the benefits are immeasurable. By making a conscious effort to be present, engage with the speaker, and create a safe space for them to share, you can strengthen your relationships and build trust and understanding.
