Managing finances in a relationship can be a significant burden, especially when one person takes on most of the responsibilities. This can lead to resentment and conflict, as the other person may feel uninformed or undervalued.
Experts recommend couples work together to distribute tasks more equitably, acknowledge their shared stake in their financial success, and communicate openly about their expectations and goals. This may involve scheduling a money date or two to make a comprehensive financial to-do list and discuss who is responsible for each task currently, and how it became their responsibility. Should any of these tasks be switched to the other person? Is anything not getting done?
It’s important to recognize that managing money is only one of many tasks required to run a household, so these types of conversations should not happen in isolation. Be considerate of the other household burdens you each tackle.
As you list your tasks, discuss what “done” looks like for each. Set parameters, a budget, and other expectations. Then, you each select tasks to accomplish on your own, with periodic check-ins.
Some tasks are complicated, but take them one step at a time. This is not the time for weaponized incompetence (though, in a partnership, it’s never a good move to feign incompetence to get out of a responsibility). If you’re stuck on a subtask, you can talk about it when you check in with each other.
Remember — everything money related is a skill, and skills can be learned. There’s no ‘I’m just bad with money’ excuse. You just need to prioritize learning that skill, and practice. And practice. And in time, you get better.
