Nearly 50% of brides-to-be find that the guest list is the most stressful part of wedding planning – and it’s only made worse by those who do not send their RSVPs.
This was the case for one bride, in particular, whose response to her indecisive guests was branded ‘genius’ and ‘brilliant’. In a segment on The Drew Barrymore Show, the actress-turned-TV-show-host read out a pointed ‘missed RSVP message’ addressed to guests who hadn’t yet responded to her invitation. The message said: ‘We’re sorry that you can’t make it to our wedding. Our RSVP deadline has now passed and you unfortunately did not respond. We would have loved to have you attend, but final numbers have now been turned in and your presence will be missed.’
Have you ever fantasized about doing this?!
Drew joked: ‘I think if you look up in the dictionary, what’s the term, “passive aggressive”, you will find this woman’s note. I don’t not like it, that said.’
Her co-host for the segment, Ross Matthews, also empathised with the situation, stating that most people can relate to the bride-to-be’s frustration when it comes to event planning.
‘If you don’t RSVP to me ASAP, then I’m RSVPeed off,’ he said on the show. ‘You want to do something about it. What can you do? You do this, apparently.’
The clip went on to get more than 1.6 million views on TikTok and 194,000 likes, with viewers praising the bride for her excellent clapback. The woman Drew’s segment was based on was Nishma Mistry, who runs the Asian Bride Sorority community. She’d struggled with RSVPs of her 550 guests who were meant to be attending.
In the original clip shared on TikTok, Mistry revealed a draft of her ‘sorry you can’t make it’ card, with the idea that it would clear up any confusion as to whether guests were coming or not.
In the TikTok comments, people were particularly fond of the bride’s idea. ‘It seems passive aggressive but it really isn’t. Passively assertive…and brilliant,’ TikToker Undone One wrote.
Coupon With Kayla commented: ‘Weddings are too expensive NOT to do this tbh.’
‘She gracefully let them know to not show up because they will not get a seat or plate🤷🏻♀️as a former bride with unexpected guests, I approve,’ said Kenna Jaide.
Sarah agreed, saying: ‘No this is genius. People have months to respond and if they can’t handle that, I’m not paying for a seat for them.’
According to wedding expert and Hitched editor Zoe Burke, having to follow up with invited guests is one of the most annoying tasks any newlywed will have on their to-do list, and it is something many will regret not doing.
She says: ‘Save the date cards are usually sent out to guests with at least six months notice, with the official invite following a few months later – giving guests plenty of time to decide whether they can make the big day or not.
‘Unfortunately, there will always be guests who simply forget to RSVP, or who assume that by mentioning in passing that they will be attending they no longer need to return an official RSVP.’
For guests who haven’t responded by the official RSVP date, which is usually within a month of the big day, Zoe suggests doing it on their behalf so you don’t regret not saying something to them ahead of time.
‘It’s perfectly acceptable to send guests who haven’t responded a note telling them that as the RSVP date has passed and you’ve not had a response, you’ve had to assume they can’t make it,’ she says.
‘It’s not right for any guest to just assume their presence will be expected, and couples have enough on their plates wedding planning to have to chase guests who have been lucky enough to be invited along.’
Wedding expert Samantha Gilchrist agrees, saying brides should not account for ‘maybe’ guests.
‘Be firm when crafting your guest list– no RSVP means there’s no meal or table setting, no wedding favor, and you haven’t factored them into any evening catering arrangements,’ she says.
Samantha points out the same goes for uninvited children and plus ones, adding: ‘Brides and grooms are encouraged to be mindful when selecting guests, only welcoming those who will wholeheartedly respect their wishes from the start.’
