Eleven years ago, when my husband and I were just starting to date, we embarked on a whirlwind tour of Japan. We were young, carefree, and eager to experience everything Tokyo and Kyoto had to offer. We zipped around, marveled at the Golden Temple, explored the bamboo groves of Arashiyama, and even attended a friend’s wedding. It was exhilarating, but exhausting—a true reflection of our pre-parenthood energy.
Fast forward to this year, and we found ourselves back in Tokyo, this time leaving our three-and-a-half-year-old and one-and-a-half-year-old in the care of his parents. This time, our agenda was simple: eat, sleep, and reconnect. As parents with full-time jobs and a home to run, we craved a slower pace, a chance to simply be.
Our days were unscheduled and spontaneous. We woke up whenever we wanted, slept when we were tired, and walked for hours without ever feeling rushed—a rare occurrence in one of the world’s busiest cities. Tokyo, with its vibrant culinary scene and unique streets, became the perfect backdrop for this intentional experience.
Back home, our lives revolve around our children, Jahan and Sitara. Our days are filled with their routines, their needs, their activities. While I love this life, I also recognize the importance of taking time for ourselves as partners. It’s not about neglecting our children; it’s about rejuvenating ourselves so we can return to them with renewed energy and focus.
Our trip to Tokyo was more than just a vacation; it was a journey back to my core identity. It was a chance to reconnect with myself beyond the roles of wife and mother. As mothers, it’s easy to become consumed by our responsibilities, but this trip offered a precious break from my constant routine. It allowed me to rediscover a part of myself that wasn’t solely defined by motherhood.
This concept of self-discovery for mothers seems relatively new in India. The idea that there’s a life beyond our children and an identity beyond motherhood is starting to take root, but it’s still a challenging concept to embrace. We battle guilt daily as we try to find that elusive work-life balance. It’s crucial to surround yourself with supportive women who understand this struggle and encourage you to prioritize your well-being.
My mother has always been a strong advocate for taking time for yourself. She understood the importance of nurturing her marriage with my father, recognizing that a healthy relationship is crucial to the well-being of our entire family. She taught me the importance of taking breaks, not just for myself but for the sake of the whole family.
Growing up, I witnessed my mother balance her career and family life with incredible grace and strength. She instilled in me the confidence to be independent, to navigate my own life with courage. I watched her step away from the demands of family life to recharge, and that gave me the courage to do the same.
My friends have also been instrumental in helping me prioritize my own needs. One of them said, “You’re winning no brownie points by doing this all by yourself.” It resonated deeply. In a society that often celebrates self-sufficiency, recognizing the value of collectivism—of relying on support systems—is essential.
I’m fortunate to have the support of both my mother and Rishabh’s mother, who have created a safe space for me to make these choices without judgment. I hope that each generation of mothers empowers the next to live their truth, to prioritize their own well-being without guilt or shame.
Ultimately, our trip to Tokyo wasn’t just about the city or the sights; it was about reconnecting with ourselves and each other. It was a reminder that while motherhood is a significant part of who I am, it’s not the entirety of my identity. And in prioritizing my own well-being, I’ve become a better mother, a better wife, and a more fulfilled person.
