When my second baby was just shy of three weeks old, my in-laws flew across the country to meet her. My mother-in-law, a seasoned mother of four and former preschool teacher, is practically a baby whisperer. She immediately offered me a reprieve, a precious hour to escape the whirlwind of newborn life. While I was still healing physically and emotionally from childbirth, breastfeeding around the clock, I left my baby with my in-laws, my parents, and my husband to meet a friend for a pedicure just a few blocks away. At the end of that hour, as I was discussing my baby, I felt a familiar sensation – my breasts started to leak milk. I laughed, embarrassed, and tried to hide it, but my body had a message: the break was over, and I needed to return to my daughter.
This week, Hailey Bieber, a new mother herself, was photographed out for coffee with friends in West Hollywood. Meanwhile, Justin Bieber was spotted leaving Chateau Marmont later that evening. The photos were shared on Instagram, and the comments were flooded with judgment, the kind that makes parents in 2024 feel like they’re losing their minds. “Are either of them ever with their baby?” one user asked. Another chimed in, “I didn’t leave my baby’s side for like the first year. I wanted to spend every spare moment with both of them.”
While I am happy for those mothers who feel that way and have the opportunity to fully immerse themselves in those precious early moments, these commenters (and likely, hundreds of others silently judging) are making unfair assumptions about the Biebers. For some mothers, an hour or two away from their baby for a coffee date or a pedicure with a friend is essential for self-care, to restore a sense of their identity beyond motherhood.
Perhaps Hailey was up all night nursing a screaming baby. Maybe her son, like one of my babies, has colic, and there is no comforting him at night. Maybe he has reflux, making nursing painful for her. Maybe she feels desperate and tearful and puts a pillow over her head because she doesn’t know how to soothe his cries. Maybe the baby refuses a bottle, or even her breast. Maybe she has a crick in her back from holding him in uncomfortable positions for hours just to get him to sleep. Maybe the act of showering, putting on makeup, and dressing up was the highlight of her week. Or maybe it’s just plain exhausting. If she doesn’t go out, the criticism will be even worse.
Of course, maybe I’m projecting. Maybe, as some online gossip accounts suggest, she is simply relying on nannies to care for her baby. However, I am willing to bet that her son is safe, fed, and loved while she’s out, regardless of who is on baby duty. Her body might also remind her when her time away from him is up, just like mine did. After all, she is a working mother, and she can afford as much or as little help and a break as she wants.
Ultimately, no one knows what Hailey Bieber’s birth was like, how breastfeeding is going for her, whether she has postpartum depression, or whether she’s getting enough sleep. If I had been photographed laughing with my friend while getting a pedicure when my second baby was three weeks old, I might have been called a bad mother online too. But here’s the truth: I’m a good mom. I love and cherish my children, and when I’m away from them, I leave them with a safe caretaker, allowing them to bond with their grandparents, father, teacher, or babysitter. They’ve learned that I always come back for them, and when we’re reunited, I’m a better, more focused parent because I was able to take the break I needed.
We need to be more understanding and supportive of mothers, regardless of their choices. We must remember that motherhood is a complex and demanding journey, and allowing mothers to prioritize their well-being is not only beneficial for them but also for their children.
