I’m sitting in a fancy restaurant in rural Cheshire on a Wednesday afternoon, about to pay £75 for a bottle of Veuve Clicquot for two. Meanwhile, many people in the UK are hard at work at their desks. We’re celebrating a birthday today. I’m dressed head to toe in M&S gear, wearing my signature perfume, Agent Provocateur. But I’m not the heir to a family fortune, nor have I won the lottery. Our lunch bill will come out of my benefits. My main source of income to pay for the champagne is disability benefits – Universal Credit and Personal Independent Payment. I’m joined by Paul, my tetraplegic boyfriend, and I’m a person with a serious mental illness called Schizo-Affective Disorder and psychosis. We’re both able to visit the bistro off-peak so we do, as it’s more comfortable for us when it’s quiet. I get £1,100 a month combined on these two benefits and top-up my earnings by around £300 a month with a little sponsored magazine I make and with writing assignments like this one. Some months I make nothing, other months my earnings cancel out next month’s Universal Credit payment. I couldn’t survive on these benefits unless I lived somewhere affordable, like here in Stoke-on-Trent, or if I had children. For most of my 20s, I worked two jobs and ended up on a psychiatric ward with the stress of it all. I wasn’t granted leave from work to attend therapy in office hours and keep on top of ordering prescriptions. When I did manage to get my prescription, the antipsychotic medication made me late for work more often than not. Schizoaffective disorder is a mental health problem where you experience psychosis as well as mood symptoms. Some people have suggested that schizoaffective disorder sits in the middle of a spectrum, with schizophrenia at one end, and bipolar disorder at the other. This is because these diagnoses share many similar symptoms. But schizoaffective disorder is recognized as a separate diagnosis. You might have times when you struggle to look after yourself. Or when your doctors feel that you lack insight into your behavior and how you’re feeling. Symptoms can begin at any age, but usually start when you’re a young adult. Some people only experience symptoms of schizoaffective disorder once in their life. Source: Mind Though this didn’t stop my productivity, my colleagues begrudged me. I’d hear whispered remarks when I got to my desk and audible tuts when I was late. This only fueled my paranoia, even though I always stayed late at work to make up for my tardiness. Even the labeled milk bottles in the staff kitchen were enough to give me needless bouts of anxiety. So, by the time I reached my 30s, I decided to take my psychiatrist’s advice to ‘take it easy and put your feet up’ in a bid to reduce stress and avoid a psychotic relapse. Now, age 43, I am still doing just that and most weekdays you’ll find me lounging on my sofa in my pink Next dressing gown gone 11 am. I live on the fringe of a council estate near Keele University, called Parksite in a town suburb. I part-own this from a time I had a full-time income some years ago and was able to save. It’s a lovely spot, and I feel extremely lucky to be able to claim Universal Credit to pay the local council for the rental element of if (recently rent increased to £380 a month). It backs on to woodlands and has a drive to the front for parking my little yellow Fiat Panda. Occasionally, I’ll look at jobs but find they don’t pay any more than my mix of benefits and part-time work which makes no sense. I don’t believe benefits like mine are overly generous – I scrimp and save apart from the odd treat for a birthday or anniversary. But wages are too low, and business owners take too much salary. There’s a reason why there’s a ‘one percent’ of millionaires, and I’m guessing they’re not on benefits. But it’s not all champagne and M&S clobber – there’s a very real stigma attached to being in my position. I’ve been branded “benefits scrounger” “parasite” “benefits cheat” “lazy” “layabout” by total strangers and it hurts. I’ve also lost friends who have found it too embarrassing to be seen hanging around with a benefits claimant. There are 1.44 million unemployed people in the UK, and unemployment in the UK is rising. This year sees a whopping 6.4 million people claiming Universal Credit. Almost 6.8 million people in the UK have had a successful claim to Personal Independent Payments for a disability. You can claim Universal Credit for a low income even if you are employed. You can also claim Personal Independent Payments while in employment. See if you’re entitled to Universal Credit and make a claim here Universal Credit: How to claim – GOV.UK (www.gov.uk) You can also claim Personal Independent Payments by calling the ‘new claims’ line 0800 917 2222 Boyfriends have called me a “loser” and also been embarrassed by my employment status. But I deeply feel that I’m too unwell to work, and that benefits are a respectable option for people who can’t work due to ill health. My illness is exacerbated by stress. I often get incredibly anxious working away from home even just one day a week, let alone five, and believe me, I’ve tried. For a day-a-week after lockdown, over half a year, I worked as a carer for £130 a month, but the stress saw me suffer from crippling anxiety for seven days a week. That anxiety didn’t go until my psychiatrist suggested I quit. I did just that, and my anxiety went. A little further back, I worked remotely as a comment moderator for a good stint but was made redundant as the operation went in-house. Given my condition, my employer sent me to an Occupational Health specialist who concluded it would be unwise to take on a job in an office in London or New York. So, it was back to benefits for me… in Stoke-on-Trent where jobs are scarce. And now I hear there are more plans to slash benefits like mine – when are these ‘sponge avengers’ not out in force? This weekend it was Rishi Sunak’s turn with his sick-note speech. It always seems ironic that if someone with psychosis is forced back to work they’ll end up back on the psychiatric ward within a few months, which will cost taxpayers more in the long run. Relationships will be ruined, homes will be lost. And what does Sunak know about disability and living on £16K a year? He’s a billionaire PM whose party has corrupted politics, and now he’s trying to blame the sick and their carers for the problems the Tories have created in their 14 years of power. Severe mental illness isn’t my fault, and neither is claiming benefits I’m entitled to. A bottle of Moët here, a short retreat in Scotland once a year – why shouldn’t I be able to treat myself when life is so hard on most of us? Especially living with a condition like psychosis where we lose touch with reality and are often fighting suicide stats every day – I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. My special crush on cashmere jumpers and a Chanel lipstick are just a little treat, and I let myself indulge in them from time to time because I’m a human, just like you.
A Life on Benefits: The Stigma, the Reality, and the Fight for Survival
