We’ve all heard the notion that the order in which siblings are born significantly influences their personalities. But where did this birth-order theory originate, and is there any truth to it? With TikTok videos exploring this concept going viral regularly, there’s no better time to delve into the world of birth order and uncover what your position in the family lineup supposedly signifies.
The roots of birth-order theory can be traced back to the early 20th century when Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler, heavily influenced by Freud, introduced the concept of the “family constellation.” Adler proposed that children from the same family develop distinct personalities, strengths, and weaknesses based on their birth order. “Of course, there is much which is the same for all in the same home,” Adler wrote, “but the psychic situation of each child is individual and differs from that of others, because of the order of their succession.”
According to Adler, firstborn children are prone to being neurotic, likely due to having to adjust to sharing their parents’ attention once a new sibling arrives. They tend to be dutiful, perfectionistic, and relatively conventional or conservative compared to their younger siblings. A 2015 study by psychologist Rodica Damian found that firstborn children often enjoy a slight IQ advantage over their younger siblings, offering a small consolation for those dealing with the pressures of being the eldest.
Middle children, as observed by Adler, might experience lower self-esteem than their older or younger siblings due to receiving less emotional and financial support from their parents. However, this can paradoxically lead to greater emotional stability and stronger bonds outside the family unit. Adler also suggested that middle children might struggle to find their place or become champions of justice due to their position between older and younger siblings.
Adler believed that youngest children are most likely to develop rebellious, outgoing, or extroverted personalities to “catch up” or differentiate themselves from their older siblings. He also noted that in adulthood, youngest children might have a strong desire to be “bigger than the others” or develop ambitious plans that may not always succeed. (Think of Amy March burning her older sister Jo’s manuscript in *Little Women* – classic youngest-child behavior according to strict interpretation of birth-order theory. However, Amy’s adventurous spirit also manifested in her chic escape to Europe to pursue art, demonstrating the duality of traits associated with this birth position.)
The recent surge in popularity of birth-order theory can be attributed to TikTok. The phrase “birth-order dating theory” has gained traction among users seeking to understand the role birth order might play in romantic relationships. The hashtag #birthorder has also become a popular search term on the platform, accumulating over 500 million views.
While speculative, certain conclusions drawn from this online discussion have proven fascinating. Take the case of relationship coach @iammichailatyson, an eldest daughter who realized she had only been in relationships with men who had older sisters. “[It makes] so much sense that I have gravitated towards men like that – typically men that are looking for mothers, and the role I stepped into was mothering those men,” she explained in a March video.
Other TikTok users like @t0nit0ne have explored the compatibility of different birth-order pairings. (Hint: it’s generally considered more harmonious for a firstborn to be with a lastborn than another firstborn – take heed!)
