I’m a 45-year-old woman who has been married to my wife for five years. We have a 21-year-old son from my previous marriage who lives with us. He’s a good kid, but he’s struggling right now. He’s been unemployed for four months and spends most of his days playing video games. My son is very intelligent. He had a full scholarship to a prestigious university but only stayed for a year and a half. He recently applied to the police academy but never followed through with it. He also dropped out of the fire academy because he was bored. While in school, he worked as a forklift operator. He’s always done well academically, but he’s also lazy. I’m a nurse, and his dad is an over-the-road truck driver who recently had another son with his younger wife. I’ve tried to get my ex-husband to talk to our son, but it hasn’t been effective. My wife and I have never lived alone during our entire marriage, and she’s starting to get frustrated. She doesn’t have any children of her own and feels like it’s time for our son to move out. This is putting a lot of strain on me because I feel like I have to choose between my wife and my son. Honestly, I’m torn. Now they’re starting to argue with each other more, and I feel completely torn. Please help. First, it’s important to recognize that your unemployed adult son living at home is not solely “your” issue. It’s a problem that affects everyone in the household, but ultimately, it’s his responsibility to address it. Don’t rely on his father to motivate him since he doesn’t reside in his father’s home.
You and your wife should work together as equal partners to develop a strategy for helping your son transition into adulthood. Given the low unemployment rate in your area, your son doesn’t need special opportunities handed to him. He’s taking advantage of these opportunities because he knows he can. He needs to find a job, even if it’s at a fast-food restaurant, landscaping crew, or Walmart warehouse. Having a full-time job will provide him with valuable skills, financial stability, and a sense of accomplishment.
To encourage your son to take responsibility, consider cutting off his access to Wi-Fi during the day, discontinuing payment for his cellphone, and only providing him with basic necessities like food and shelter until he can afford to contribute financially. It’s a difficult step, but your marriage and your son’s future are at stake. Many parents have successfully addressed this issue by giving their adult children the choice between working full-time or joining the military, which could be a suitable option for your son given his interests.
My 21-Year-Old Son is Unemployed and Living at Home: A Family in Conflict
