Dating can be a minefield as it is, let alone meeting someone and keeping the relationship going in the modern world.
One Reddit user has shared the situation they find themselves in with their current partner, and it’s all to do with the person in question’s ex.
The post started: “My ex, Harold, and I were together for about five years. We got together when we were seventeen and broke up around twenty-two. It wasn’t a great breakup. He cheated on me for years and got incredibly toxic and cruel toward the end. I haven’t talked to him even once since we separated and have no idea what he’s doing with his life.”
The user then explained that she is currently dating Johnny, and they have been together for eight months. She then described having many email accounts still active but no longer in use and her phone “adds everything,” including “contacts, photos, calendar items, etc.”
“We found some really cute pictures of us as kids that I thought were lost and some other cute things. But while looking at the photos, an old dick pic of Harold from when we were together was there.”
“If I had known this would be there, I would have NEVER shown Johnny until all of it was deleted. Not only because nobody wants to see that but also for Harold’s privacy. It was a low-effort pic that I probably honestly didn’t even mean to save, but because Google Photos backs up everything, it just got lost there.”
She clarified that Harold’s dick is “bigger” than Johnny’s, and Johnny has become insecure about his size. The user added: “I confirmed that sex is amazing with him. I am always satisfied, I am happy, I do not think of Harold. I don’t care about him. I am more than satisfied.”
“He was always so confident in himself, willing to learn, humble, etc., both in and out of the bedroom.”
Despite this, the girlfriend admitted that “sex has been less frequent, he initiated less, and he has started turning the lights off before taking his clothes off.”
She added: “I’ve tried being more ‘enthusiastic’ and initiating more. But it’s not really changed anything. He’s always brought up problems when they arise. I’ve never really had to worry about if we’re okay because we’ve always been proactive about communication. I think this is a bigger problem, and he’s too… worried? Embarrassed? Scared? to bring it up to me.”
“I’m here looking for some pointers on how to start this conversation and make him feel better about our sex life or himself, even. What would you say? Or what would you want to hear? I will have a conversation with him about this soon; I just want to start it the right way.”
People took to the thread to share their suggestions about the girlfriend’s dilemma, with one person responding to the “being more ‘enthusiastic'”
“Please, no. Don’t miss…” part. They commented:
“Imagine you were insecure about your cooking. Imagine your BF found out you were insecure about your cooking. Imagine your BF then made an exaggerated “Mmmmm” after every meal. How would you feel about your cooking?”
“Introducing dishonesty and hyperbole into this situation is going to cut the legs out from under you.”
“Your options are: do nothing, and I mean nothing. Or, you can try and have a conversation about what came up and just acknowledge that it was gross that you both had to see that, apologize for that, and check in with how he’s feeling in a non-intrusive and non-leading way. Just don’t make that latter option a big deal.”
“Everything else is largely out of your control.”
A second said:
“My advice and experience in this area is that time heals all wounds. Don’t overcompensate. Don’t exaggerate. Don’t push, nag, or rush a resolution to his feelings. Don’t bring it up unless he does. Give him time. If things don’t improve over time as the ‘sting’ wears off, offer to talk about it or even go to couples counseling with him. Don’t make it seem like it’s his fault or your fault or anyone’s fault.”
“Trending”
“There’s nothing physically that can be done. Psychologically, he has to come to terms with that statistically; he was never going to be the biggest in the room, and just because he was ignorant of it before doesn’t change anything about your relationship or sex life before or after his realization of that fact. But that’s gotta be on his timetable. Most men get there on their own, so give him a little more grace and time because again, the wound to his ego he’s feeling now was imprinted on him by our culture, not you or him.”
Another added:
“I, as a woman, would be pretty unhappy to see my partner’s ex’s nudes. I think the best you can do is be empathetic and simply let him process things.”
“Do not go: ‘There’s nothing to be jealous of!’ Because you are invalidating his feelings.”
“At most, say: ‘I’m really sorry. It would make me feel bad to see your ex naked. I did not want or intend for this to happen; I love you and everything about you.'”
A fourth finally said:
“This experience may have diminished the value of this specific relationship for him. There are moments in life where we can not unhear or unsee certain things. Your bf has just had one of these moments.”
“No man wants to live life comparing himself to another man who’s been with his woman – based on photographic evidence. Each man will deal with it differently, but no man wants this.”
“I think your only successful strategy here is to try and forget this ever happened. This is what your bf is going to try and do. You bringing it up and wanting to talk about it is not going to help him. He understands that you’ll likely say anything to try and make him feel better, so he’ll discount anything you say.”
“Take some time to hide your digital footprints from this bf and future bfs.”
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