After five pregnancies that ended in miscarriage and countless ultrasounds, I found myself sitting in an exam chair, my heart pounding with both anticipation and fear. The stakes were high, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that my dreams were hanging in the balance.
As the ultrasound appeared on the screen, a collective cheer erupted from the room—my husband, the nurses, and the technicians. Everyone but me. I smiled faintly, trying to join in the celebration, but my heart remained heavy. I had become so accustomed to disappointment that I struggled to embrace the possibility of joy.
Fear had become my trusted companion, a shield against the pain of loss. I had learned to keep my expectations low, to anticipate the worst, and to rehearse disaster. But in doing so, I had missed out on the beauty of the present and the hope for the future.
Pessimism and cynicism, while offering a false sense of protection, ultimately rob us of the ability to experience joy and hold hope. Pessimism seeks to control the element of surprise, to reduce the impact of grief. But research has shown that anticipating a negative outcome does not lessen its sting. Instead, it prevents us from seeing and embracing the gifts in our lives.
Cynicism, on the other hand, doubts the motives of others and even of God. We may believe in God’s goodness, but we imagine it as a plate of broccoli—nutritious but unexciting. We forget that God’s plans for our lives are not always what we expect, and we fear that His goodness will always feel like growing pains.
True protection lies not in pessimism or cynicism, but in the practice of gratitude and thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is the outward expression of gratitude, and it has the power to double our joy. Hope, too, is essential. It acknowledges the pain of the past but does not succumb to fear. Hope celebrates God’s promises and delights in what is possible with Him.
Hope is not a denial of the cost. It honors the painful reality but does not fall to fear because it knows that what we can see is not all there is. Hope celebrates God’s promises and delights in what is possible with Him.
As we navigate the storms of life—chronic illness, broken relationships, or the death of a dream—it’s easy to let disappointment and heartache infect our hope. We may know that God can move in our lives, but we doubt that He will.
One of my biggest regrets is not embracing joy when it came. I missed out on opportunities, lost relationships, and experienced unnecessary tension because I couldn’t celebrate the moments of progress, beauty, and connection.
I don’t want us to look back on our lives—our beautiful, wonder-filled, God-given life—and realize that we’ve mostly missed it while we were busy preparing for the worst. So, when you find yourself wondering if it’s safe to celebrate, contemplating whether or not hope is a good idea, or standing on the precipice of something new, remember that pessimism will not protect you.
Name what is true about the God that sits with you where you are, remember how He has been faithful in the past. And as you look to the future, may you have the courage to ask, “What if it’s wonderful?”
Nicole Zasowski is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sought-after speaker, and author of “What If It’s Wonderful?” and “From Lost to Found.” She lives in Connecticut with her husband and three young children. Nicole would love to connect with you on her website: www.nicolezasowski.com.
