The glitzy world of ‘Rivals,’ the wildly popular Disney+ adaptation of Jilly Cooper’s iconic 1988 novel, has captured the nation’s imagination. The show’s undeniably attractive cast, flamboyant 80s aesthetic, and, let’s be frank, abundance of racy scenes have captivated audiences. While the sheer amount of sex and nudity is certainly a draw, it’s not what truly grips me. It’s not even about Rupert Campbell Black, the quintessential cad played with delectable wickedness by Alex Hassell. And it’s not just the fabulous, and often flammable, costumes. No, it’s the nostalgic yearning for a dating landscape that I, and likely many others, will never experience.
Don’t get me wrong, Rutshire, the fictional setting of the show, isn’t exactly a haven for romantic success. Everyone’s cheating on everyone, or wishing they were. And the age gaps, particularly the one between 20-year-old Taggie O’Hara (Bella Maclean) and Rupert, a 40-year-old man who happens to be her mother’s crush and her father’s friend, are a bit jarring through a modern lens. But there was a certain simplicity to it all back then. There were no dating apps to numb us to the dating experience, no smartphones to keep us tethered to our screens, oblivious to the world around us. While those charismatic but manipulative types like Rupert still existed, their brazen behavior made it clear what you were getting into. Contrast that with the more insidious ‘soft boys’ of today, who ensnare you with therapy jargon and poetic pronouncements only to later gaslight and ghost you.
Perhaps the most poignant source of my nostalgia is the sheer volume of face-to-face interactions back then. Without iPhones, streaming services, and laptops, there was less reason to stay indoors scrolling, watching, and wallowing in isolation. Plus, in the extravagant, exclusive (and fictional) world of ‘Rivals,’ money flowed freely. People went out, and I mean *out out*. To lavish three-course dinners, decadent summer garden parties, all-night bashes in country estates, and, of course, lavish shooting weekends. While the average person in the real 80s might not have been attending such opulent events on a regular basis, there were undoubtedly more opportunities to meet people organically, in the wild, so to speak, than there are now. I can barely remember the last time I, or any of my friends, were hit on in real life. The only place it seems to happen now is at weddings, and even those are becoming less frequent as I get older. At the last one I attended, with over 150 guests, there was only one single straight man present. And no, I’m not currently dating him.
Look, I understand that dating apps can be effective, and I have many friends who’ve found their partners through them. But as I’ve said before, these people are lucky. The dating app system is inherently stacked against you. People weren’t meant to meet online, in a space where you can present a fabricated version of yourself and flirt with countless individuals simultaneously, discarding the ones you’re no longer interested in like used tissues. You can say what you want about the convenience of swiping through profiles from the comfort of your couch, but nothing compares to the thrill of encountering someone at a bar and trying to decipher their interest through body language and eye contact. Chemistry truly ignites when you’re face-to-face with someone. Maybe, if you’re lucky, it’s a spark that grows over time, through chance encounters at various social gatherings. That’s what unfolds between ‘Rivals” standout couple: tech mogul Freddie Jones (Danny Dyer) and struggling novelist Lizzie Vereker (Katherine Parkinson). Freddie’s gruff demeanor and Lizzie’s quiet domesticity make them an unlikely pair, especially since they’re both married. But as the series progresses and they continue to bump into each other at parties, it becomes clear that their respective spouses treat them poorly. Slowly but surely, they develop a tender affection for one another. It’s a joy to watch.
“Have you got any idea how f***ing beautiful you are?” he says to her in one unexpected moment. And referring to a ladder in her tights, he remarks: “I love a ladder – stairway to heaven and all that.” Such words hold significant weight for someone like Lizzie, who has likely been dismissed and devalued by her adulterous husband for years. But it takes time for her to embrace the possibility of a relationship with Freddie. As a loyal person, she probably wouldn’t have gone out of her way to see or talk to him despite her obvious attraction. So, while I don’t want to spoil anything, my point is that the eventual outcome between them likely wouldn’t have happened without those raucous social events.
My fear is that in today’s hyper-connected, hyper-isolated society, we’re missing out on countless opportunities to find love at first sight instead of first swipe. Sadly, I don’t see that changing anytime soon, especially with new dating apps popping up almost weekly. And maybe we’ve all just become a bit lazier. Perhaps it’s our responsibility to put ourselves out there more, to say yes to invitations we might find easier to decline, and to be open to whatever, and whoever, crosses our path. I’ll see you on the tennis court.