For years, we may have held the illusion of being skilled listeners, only to have it shattered by a newfound realization. Such was the experience when I confronted a friend who, despite her best intentions, consistently interrupted my accounts with her hasty opinions or personal anecdotes. In her mind, she was the epitome of empathy, eagerly extending an ear to her friends. Her initial response to my critique was one of disbelief, highlighting a prevalent issue: most individuals lack the knowledge of how to truly listen. As journalist and television presenter Olga Marset explains, we are taught to read and write but not to communicate and listen effectively. Without cultivating these skills in our formative years, developing them as adults becomes a formidable challenge.
One of the primary obstacles to effective communication is the lack of empathy. Empathy, a selfless act, involves setting aside our own biases and egos to immerse ourselves in the experiences of others. When this connection is established, communication becomes effortless and reciprocal, says Marset. Without empathy, active listening is impossible. Disregard for the speaker’s needs and emotions hinders genuine understanding and hinders productive dialogue. Furthermore, Marset emphasizes that when we cease listening, we resort to interpretation, often leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.
The common misconception is that offering our opinions is helpful, but this is often not the case. We mistakenly believe that active listening equates to solving problems, dispensing advice, and dictating solutions. However, true assistance lies in setting aside our judgments, prejudices, and opinions to fully engage with the speaker. Through our undivided attention and thoughtful questions, we empower them to discover their own solutions. Active or empathic listening, as Marset describes it, involves emptying ourselves to make space for the other person. It entails silencing our internal chatter and surrendering our thoughts, judgments, and preconceptions to fully embrace the speaker’s presence. In doing so, we create a safe space for them to share their innermost thoughts and emotions, even their silence. Our role is to listen without judgment, opinion, or evaluation, simply being present with all our senses. There is no rush, only space and time for the speaker. Active listening is the ultimate act of generosity.
The benefits of practicing active listening are multifaceted. Marset highlights its ability to enhance our interpersonal relationships, fostering connection and mutual respect. It promotes constructive conflict resolution, minimizing unnecessary confrontations. Moreover, active listening can elevate our professional lives, as it enables us to genuinely understand the needs and concerns of our colleagues. Leaders who embrace active listening are perceived as approachable, trustworthy, and accessible, earning the respect and trust of their teams.
Recognizing our shortcomings as listeners is the first step towards improvement. Acquiring the necessary tools and techniques to remain attentive is crucial. While it may appear effortless, mastering active listening requires dedication. Here are some valuable tips to guide your journey:
1. Maintain eye contact and lean slightly towards the speaker, conveying your undivided attention.
2. Use verbal cues such as ‘I understand’ or ‘I see’ to demonstrate comprehension and encourage the speaker to continue.
3. Ask open-ended questions to delve deeper into their experiences and perspectives.
4. Avoid interrupting or dismissing their thoughts and emotions, even if you disagree.
5. Summarize their key points to ensure understanding and show that you have been listening attentively.
