Fortune cookies are a ubiquitous part of the Chinese takeout experience, but the messages they contain can range from the mundane to the downright bizarre. Let’s take a look at some of the most amusing and unexpected fortune cookie sayings.
One cookie boldly proclaimed, “Um, this is kind of a bold thing for a cookie to say, don’t you think?” Another offered the insightful nugget, “Wow, really insightful there.” It seems some cookies are more self-aware than others!
Some fortune cookies took a possessive tone, such as the one that declared, “This cookie is getting a little possessive, don’t you think?” Others were simply hilarious in their bluntness, like, “I gotta hand it to them, this fortune is 100% true.”
Then there were the cookies that seemed to be in on the joke, such as, “This cookie was like, ‘If everyone’s going to keep telling this old joke, I guess we will, too!'” And some fortunes just couldn’t be beat in their brevity: “And this here is a fortune of few words.”
Not all fortunes were meant to be lighthearted, however. One cookie delivered a worrisome message: “I don’t know, I think this fortune might make me worry.” Another seemed to be written by someone who’d had a little too much to drink, “I’m 76% sure this fortune cookie is drunk.”
Some cookies clearly had a sense of humor, “This cookie’s got jokes!” as did the next few in the series. One cookie offered an oddly specific prediction: “This fortune was oddly specific.” Another, sadly, was eaten in half, ironically enough.
It seems some fortune cookies try to shirk responsibility: “This cookie is passing the buck.” And sometimes, the message is simply an acknowledgment of reality: “Look, man, I was just trying to eat some chow mein, alright?” One fortune might make you question your last takeout order: “If I got this one I’d be like, ‘Is this because of that third order of egg rolls?'” while another would make you wonder if you’ve been the target of unwanted attention: “And if I got this one I’d be like, ‘So that’s why the staff was sending me all those dirty looks.'”
Some fortune cookies are cryptic: “Um, if you say so.” Others feel ominously foreboding: “This feels a little ominous.” And some make you question their motives: “And so does this — what does it know that I don’t?” But not all fortune cookies are full of cryptic messages. Some offer surprisingly good advice: “Now this one is actually great advice, LOL.”
Sometimes, you encounter a fortune cookie that takes on a life of its own, with a quirky personality: “I was not expecting an anthropomorphic fortune, but here we are.” Or, “And now here’s an anthropomorphic cookie.”
Some restaurants seem to push their luck, as evidenced by this message: “This restaurant is really pushing its luck, if you ask me.” And others even make light of a common side effect of their food: “And this restaurant is basically bragging about its food giving you the runs. Am I interpreting that right?”
Some cookies set high expectations: “This cookie is expecting more out of me than I can offer, I fear.” While others may be psychic: “This fortune cookie might be psychic.”
It’s clear that some fortune cookies are just plain meddling: “This fortune cookie is gonna get this dude divorced.” And it seems some have a keen interest in romantic affairs: “And this fortune cookie seems to be meddling in romantic affairs, too! Simmer down, cookie!”
Finally, there are those fortune cookies that offer a little comfort: “This fortune cookie is just so wholesome.” Or, “This fortune cookie sounds super comforting (if you don’t think about it too hard).”
Fortune cookies are a fun part of the Chinese takeout experience, and sometimes they’re even more entertaining than the meal itself. They offer a glimpse into the minds of the people who write them and provide a good laugh along the way. So next time you open your fortune cookie, be prepared for anything, and remember, the most amusing fortunes are often the ones that are completely unexpected.
