Dear Alison, I’m hoping you can help me. I got married a week ago, but I really didn’t enjoy the day at all. I spent a year planning everything so carefully, but on the day I felt like things kept going wrong; my dress felt too tight, and I just couldn’t get into the ‘party’ spirit because I was worrying so much about what my guests were thinking. All my friends talk about their wedding day as the ‘best day of their lives,’ and when my husband proposed, I was so excited to have my own big day. I don’t want to be the ‘odd one out,’ and I don’t want to admit the truth because all my friends and family are so happy for me. My husband saved up, and we spent a lot of money on the day, which now feels like a waste, but I don’t want to talk to my husband in case he thinks I regret getting married or I come across as ungrateful. I wish I could go back in time and do the whole day differently, but I know that’s impossible. How do I get over this? Thanks, Simone
Weddings are joyful occasions – but they’re also incredibly stressful. Whether you’re a bride or groom, best woman or man, family member or friend of the couple, the run-up to the big day can be very tense. If you need a bit of help with your quandary, Alison, who has run a venue for 10 years and helps couples plan weddings, is here to offer a helping hand. Email platform@metro.co.uk to share your issue anonymously with Alison and get it solved.
Dear Simone
Firstly, let me congratulate you on your recent marriage. Then, let me emphasize that you are not alone in feeling this way. There are such high expectations set for a wedding day, and the pressure to make everything perfect can lead to many brides experiencing a mix of emotions, including stress, anxiety, and trying to please everyone – which, in turn, can overshadow the joy of the occasion. I should know – I felt the same way as you after my own wedding day. My chief bridesmaid struggled to do up the back of my dress correctly, and I never felt it fitted properly throughout the whole event. The flowers in my bouquet started to flop over mid-way through, and a colleague touched my dress and covered it with blood. Life is never perfect; sometimes, things do not go according to plan. It is OK to feel disappointed and let down – I certainly did.
Allow yourself to feel these emotions without guilt. Acknowledging them is the first step towards processing and moving on. If you find it challenging to move beyond these feelings, speaking to a close family member or friend may help. I’d also suggest you talk to your husband and share your feelings gently and honestly. Tell him your disappointment is about the day itself, not your marriage. This can help prevent misunderstandings and even bring you closer as a couple. He may have similar feelings or may be able to provide a different perspective that enables you to see the day in a new way.
You could also consider having a more relaxed and informal gathering with your friends and family. This may be an anniversary celebration or a simple party where you can create new happy memories without the pressure of a traditional wedding.
Ultimately, I tried not to dwell on the things that went wrong for me, because your wedding day is really about your love and a lifelong commitment to each other. It is just one page in a much longer story. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel – your feelings are valid – but focusing on the positive elements of the day will help, as it has helped me over the years. I now think about seeing my husband at the end of the aisle; the moments during the busy day that we managed to steal away for photographs, just us and our photographer; my dad raising a flag during his speech as he always said he would put the flag out if I ever got married; and the special moments we shared with family and friends.
It is easier to focus on the negative, but try to reflect on the moments of joy, laughter, and love you cherish. Over time, less positive experiences will begin to feel less intense. With time and by focusing on happy memories, the disappointments will fade, and you will be able to cherish the beginning of your married life with a fresh perspective. Because, remember: A wedding is just one day, but a marriage is a lifetime. It is the start of a new journey with your partner.
Concentrate on building your future together and creating beautiful memories. Take care and be kind to yourself. Best wishes Alison
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