Billie Eilish has opened up about her struggles with depression, revealing that she has experienced it throughout her life. In a new interview with Rolling Stone, Eilish says that her depression was at its worst last summer, when she felt like she was “in the throes of depression unlike any she’d ever experienced.” She says that she wrote in her journal, in all-caps, “I know I’m lucky/But I’m so unhappy.” Eilish says that her family and childhood best friend helped her stay afloat during this time. And to help herself move past it, Eilish grew determined to get out of the house more and try to live as normal a life as possible, whether that meant grocery shopping, going to book readings, or getting Chipotle. “I’m afraid,” she explains. “For a fucking good reason. I’m afraid of people, I’m afraid of the world. It’s just scary for somebody like me, and even if it’s not scary, it means being on and being vulnerable and being seen and being filmed and whatever. But with that all in mind, I have been choosing to do the thing that scares me more. I am biting the bullet and existing in the world for once.” That quest for normalcy was also part of a larger effort to reclaim a bit of the person she was in 2019 — when she dropped her landmark debut When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? — as she worked on her third album, Hit Me Hard and Soft (out May 17). “This whole process has felt like I’m coming back to the girl that I was,” Eilish says. “I’ve been grieving her. I’ve been looking for her in everything, and it’s almost like she got drowned by the world and the media. I don’t remember when she went away.” Eilish says that she is not interested in being seen as a spokesperson for depression. “I think it’s really weird when you are in the middle of something and somebody asks you to be the advocate for the thing you’re in the middle of,” she says. “I understand that it’s important, and I understand that it’s an epidemic and it needs to be talked about, but I don’t want to fucking be the role model for depression. What happens when I do some shit y’all aren’t going to like?” Despite her struggles, Eilish remains determined to move forward and live as normal a life as possible. She has been getting out of the house more, trying new things, and working on her third album. “This whole process has felt like I’m coming back to the girl that I was,” Eilish says. “I’ve been grieving her. I’ve been looking for her in everything, and it’s almost like she got drowned by the world and the media. I don’t remember when she went away.”
Billie Eilish Opens Up About Battling Depression
