Feeling self-assured can be a challenge, even with positive role models. Trauma, bullying, and societal expectations can make it difficult to believe in yourself. But the good news is that confidence is a learned skill, according to Geoffrey Gold, PhD, a clinical psychologist. Cultivating self-confidence can lead to a more fulfilling life, empowering you to take risks, seize opportunities, and build healthier relationships.
Here are expert-backed strategies to help you build self-confidence and start trusting your capabilities and judgment:
1. Embrace Imperfection and Learn from Mistakes
Confidence isn’t about being perfect. It’s about believing in your ability to grow and learn from your mistakes. Adia Gooden, PhD, a clinical psychologist, encourages reframing mistakes as opportunities for growth. Instead of dwelling on setbacks, view them as stepping stones to improvement. For example, if you fumble a job interview, analyze what went wrong and use that knowledge to prepare better for the next one. Self-acceptance involves embracing your whole self—your successes and your missteps.
2. Counter Weaknesses with Strengths
It’s easy to focus on negative self-talk, but it’s important to counter those thoughts with your strengths. Dr. Gooden suggests creating a list of your perceived weaknesses and then matching each one with a positive trait. For instance, if you’re anxious about attending a wedding where you only know the bride, acknowledge that anxiety, but then highlight a strength like your sense of humor or your love of dancing. This exercise helps shift your focus from negative self-talk to a more holistic view of yourself.
3. Treat Your Inner Critic with Kindness
When negative thoughts creep in, Dr. Gold suggests practicing self-compassion. Write down the harsh criticisms your inner voice throws at you, allowing you to see them in a more objective light. Often, those thoughts seem much more dramatic and unproductive when written down. For example, if you’re feeling down about a bad date, consider whether it’s reasonable to assume you’ll never find love again based on one experience.
4. Engage in Activities You Enjoy
Engaging in activities you excel at or simply enjoy can provide a quick confidence boost. Whether it’s baking delicious muffins or writing a short story, these activities remind you of your talents and capabilities. Even if you’re not a professional at something, pursuing a hobby you genuinely enjoy can be a confidence-building experience.
5. Mind Your Body Language
Small adjustments to your body language can impact how confident you appear to others and even how you feel about yourself. Dr. Gold recommends keeping your arms uncrossed to convey openness, sitting up straight, and speaking slowly to project confidence. While this isn’t a long-term solution, it can help you temporarily embody a more confident persona.
6. Confront Your Fears Gradually
Instead of letting fears hold you back, Dr. Gooden suggests confronting them gradually. Start with smaller fears and work your way up. For example, if you’re hesitant to start a YouTube channel, try creating a short video and sharing it with close friends first. Remembering past successes—like mastering a new skill or overcoming a previous challenge—can also provide confidence in your abilities.
Building self-confidence is an ongoing journey. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way. Remember that it’s a marathon, not a sprint, and with persistence and a positive mindset, you can cultivate a strong and unwavering sense of self-belief.
