My flatmate’s incredulous question, ‘What the heck?!’, echoed my own confusion. Surrounded by 30 parcels, I was living through a cycle of impulsive spending fueled by my undiagnosed bipolar disorder. For years, I attributed my extreme mood swings to depression, attributing my spending sprees to self-soothing. It wasn’t until 2021, after a severe adverse reaction to antidepressants, that I was finally diagnosed with bipolar.
The diagnosis brought clarity to my erratic behavior, explaining the periods of intense energy and excitement (hypomania) that interspersed my depressive episodes. Lockdown intensified my struggles, forcing me to confront the reality of my condition. I was constantly exhausted, sleep-deprived, and consumed by anxiety. It became clear that full-time work was no longer sustainable.
I stepped back from my career, moved in with my parents, and focused on finding a new path. It was during this challenging period that I impulsively bought a skateboard, a decision that ultimately transformed my life. Skateboarding became my outlet, a way to channel my energy during hypomanic episodes and boost my mood during depressive ones. It led me to coaching, a career that allowed me to work with children and find fulfillment outside of traditional employment.
While impulsive spending remains a struggle, I’ve learned to manage it through self-awareness and support from my family. I’ve embraced a life that aligns with my condition, focusing on self-care, medication, and finding joy in activities like skateboarding.
My journey highlights the importance of seeking support and understanding when living with bipolar. It’s not a reflection of personal weakness, but a condition that requires care, self-compassion, and the right support system. Through my experience, I’ve learned to navigate the challenges of bipolar, finding a path that allows me to live a fulfilling life on my own terms.
