In her memoir, “By The Time You Read This: The Space Between Cheslie’s Smile and Mental Illness,” the late beauty queen recounts the vicious messages she received after her pageant victory.
“Just hours after my win, I had to delete vomit-face emojis that a few accounts had plastered all over the comments on my Instagram page. More than one person messaged me telling me to kill myself,” Kryst wrote in an excerpt shared with People magazine.
These messages exacerbated her long-standing insecurities, making her feel like an imposter who didn’t deserve her title. Kryst described a relentless cycle of self-criticism, doubting her abilities and comparing herself to others.
Despite her outward success, Kryst privately battled high-functioning depression. She hid her mental health struggles from loved ones until shortly before her death by suicide in 2022.
In a chilling final text message to her mother, Kryst expressed her love and regret while indicating her intent to end her life. “I wish I could stay with you, but I cannot bear the crushing weight of persistent sadness, hopelessness, and loneliness any longer,” she wrote.
Kryst’s mother, April Simkins, revealed her daughter’s mental health issues in a statement following her death. “I have never known a pain as deep as this. All of this only added to my long-standing insecurities — the feeling that everyone around me knew more than I did, that everyone else was better at my job, and that I didn’t deserve this title.” Simkins said.
Kryst’s memoir sheds light on the hidden struggles and online harassment that can impact individuals despite their public persona. It serves as a poignant reminder of the importance of mental health awareness and the need for support and empathy in the face of mental illness.
